Okayyyyyyy.
Alrighty then.
Full disclosure, I don’t look forward to Mother’s Day. It’s not that I have a complete aversion to
it, or that I even dislike it. I just don’t
care either way. Yeah, apathy. That’s it.
Okay….. if we could skip that “holiday” altogether, I guess I’ll be happy.
I don’t fully remember my first ten Mother’s Days except that at
church, gifts were always given to special mothers – oldest mother, youngest
mother, mother with the most children, mother with most grandchildren. And the oldest mother, for the longest was the same woman. I
swear in the last few years, she showed up but had no idea why she was there or
where she was or for all you know who she was.
But 31 years ago on Mother’s Day, my mother was laid to rest. And since then I haven’t really felt the need
to “celebrate”.
I haven’t totally boycotted it like I have Valentine’s Day. But, it’s just not my favorite time of the
year. Whenever I mention this, people usually
say that I shouldn’t look at it that way because I am a mother now. I am ecstatic that my kids have a mother, but
I don’t; so I cannot help but to look at it that way.
Do I accept Mother’s Day wishes?
Yes. Do I cherish a kind friend
who sends me a Mother’s Day card?
Yes. Do I wish others Happy
Mother’s Day? Yes. Will I accept a
Mother’s Day gift? You betcha. And if someone is a mother or a grandmother
for the first time or have an unusual circumstance, I’ll sincerely wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. But honestly, the second Sunday in May is
very painful for me. And I don’t enjoy
reliving it every single year. Some
years I can handle it. Other years, not
so much. And when it falls on the
anniversary of my mother’s burial, I’m a total wreck.
I don’t want to be a downer on this day because for some people it
is the most important day of the year.
But for people who are motherless, it is different. And they are not the only ones. It is also tough for women who have yet to have
children, cannot have children, do not want to have children or have lost children. So I can certainly empathize.
And in polite settings, it also becomes uncomfortable for the well
wishers. Like at church, people had to be
careful not to let the childless women not feel slighted. People had to be careful not to accidentally
tell them Happy Mother’s Day. (And I say 'had' because I gave up going to church on Mother's Day a long time ago.) Some people
would wish them greetings, with the addendum, “although you are not a mother,
you are like a mother to so many of the youths in this place”. Well, don’t assume that it’s okay with them.
Then the day or two prior to the big day, if you go out, people
wish you Happy Mother’s Day, not knowing whether or not if you are a mother. If you are not, do you explain this to a
total stranger? If you are, do you say the same to you, if it’s a woman, not knowing if she is a mother or not. Not knowing if she celebrates Mother’s Day or
not. After all, some mothers don’t think
there is anything happy about Mother’s Day.
Like, Sybrina Fulton, Trayvon Martin’s mother – she will never feel the
same way about Mother’s Day ever again.
And the mother of my 15 year old friend who died 28 years ago also comes
to mind.
And I admit, if my mother were alive and well, Mother’s Day would
probably be in the same caliber like Thanksgiving and Christmas, holidays that
I look forward to because I get to spend time with my family. But she’s not, so for me, it’s just another
day.
Please don’t judge me because I’m not a complete Scrooge. I enjoy a good old birthday. And I have never met anyone who begrudgingly
wished another person Happy Birthday. In
fact, every time people find out it is someone’s birthday, a smile
typically comes to their lips as they genuinely wish that person birthday greetings. Why? Because
just about everyone can relate to a birthday.
And even if someone is Jehovah’s Witness, she still has to acknowledge that
day even if only for identification purposes.
I presume I’ll change my mind when I become a grandmother. And I imagine I’ll make a big deal when my
own daughter becomes a mother, but as of now, it is what it is.
So if I stop wishing all mothers a Happy Mother’s Day, please do
not take it personally because perspectively speaking it’s me, not you.
