Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Why do old men smell like that?

Why do people blow their noses in restaurants?

Why do people in “before pictures” never smile?

Why do people with jacked up heels wear sandals?

Why do pastors collect offering if salvation is free?

Why do women with jacked up teeth wear lipstick?

Why does it matter which way the toilet paper is hung?

Why do people put capital letters in the middle of words?

Why do appliances break a month after warranties expire?

Why do people who are visibly upset say nothing is wrong?

Why are only “pretty” kidnapped girls featured in the media?

Why do people ask the last people in line if they are on line?

Why are cashiers in fast food restaurant commercials so polite?

Why are reality “stars” always in full make up and well dressed?

Why does someone with a comb over thinks he’s fooling others?

Why does the person sitting behind of you have to kick your chair?

Why aren’t commercials targeted to people who live in the ghetto?

Why do “celebrities” say over TV that they don’t watch/own a TV?

Why do people who breathe out next to you always have bad breath?

Why do pastors ask for a small offering but pass around huge baskets?

Why do contestants on Wheel of Fortune all have wonderful families?

Why are limousines tinted but people always want to be seen in them?

Why do Christians get tattoos of Jesus or wear toe rings marked Jesus?

Why would someone cut in front of you in traffic only to drive slowly?

Why do people still believe that it can’t happen in their neighborhood?

Why do people who smoke in cars with children, buckle their seatbelts?

Why is it okay to retie your shoe laces in public but not fix your wedgie?

Why do men with bad odor groom their hair and wear expensive clothes?

Why do detergent commercials show a person washing only one garment?

Why do zombies walk with their legs straight regardless of how they died?

Why do vacuum/broom/mop commercials all show brand new clean houses?

Why are people impressed with thug celebrities but not neighborhood thugs?

Why does the person standing behind of you in a line have to bump into you?

Why shouldn’t Michael Vick get a second chance when he didn’t kill anyone?

Why do people have parties and forget to clean the microwave and bathroom?

Why do people keep thousands of email in their inboxes that they will never read?

Why do ex-convicts pay their dues to society but can’t live with the rest of society?

Why do people say untimely death when no one knows how much time anyone has?

Why does a blank page have to say THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK?

Why can’t people smell their own body odor but are the first to smell someone else’s?

Why do people take medicine with deadly side effects and are surprised when they work?

Why don’t travelers remove the tags from their luggage until they are ready to travel again?

Why you can’t admit to a potential employer that in five years you see yourself in his seat?

Why is it no big deal if your arm itches, but if your butt does, it needs a good washing?

Why do people dye their hair that blonde if they are not going to dye their dark eyebrows?

Why do people go to bootleg doctors with hole in the wall offices and are surprised at the service?

Why do people drink water from a glass, rinse it out and put it in the dish drainer as if it is clean?

Why is everyone’s house in a Lifetime Movie Network movie a mansion no matter the occupation?

Why do parents call the police for their unruly children, knowing full well that they will be killed?

Why do parents want their children to be special, until they are, then they want them to be regular?

Why do sleeveless-wearing sweaty people have to rub next to others on public transportation?

Why do people act like they are so busy that they can’t call you, but suggest that you give them a call?

Why did all those Democratic “celebrities” in California vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Why do house guests only make the bed on the last day, when you are going to change the sheets?

Why do comedians claim that they are not funny when they purposely say shit to make others laugh?

Why do doctors keep you waiting for over an hour, but if you are 15 minutes late, you have to reschedule?

Why do dentists and ophthalmologists have halitosis when gynecologists and proctologists don’t?

Why do entertainmers claim that they are so shy, when their job is to perform in front of thousands of people?

Why do superheroes rip their clothes off to reveal their costumes but then reappear in the same clothes…untattered?

Why do Black girls in commercials and sitcoms don’t have the same complexion or type of hair like the rest of their family?

Why I ponder these questions I don't know, but perspectively speaking, it is more relaxing than wondering why I let my kids stress me out, but miss them tremendously when they gone.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

What the Funk!

There is good funk; and there is bad funk.  Some kinds of funk I like: funky music, funky hairstyles, funky outfits.  Those are hip, exciting and fresh.  They put me in a good mood.  More than that, they put me in a wonderful mood.  If I’ve had a funky time with family and friends, it’s a guarantee that I’ll be smiling for days on end.

Then there is the other kind of funk that I utterly detest.  First off, I hate funky smells, especially body odor.  But even worse is a funky attitude.  I mean, the world doesn’t really care what happened to you, but you need to leave your funky attitude at the door when you are checking in with other people.

However, the funk that surpasses those two is a funky mood.  I truly hate when I’m in a funk and have no idea why.  If something happened that put me in a funky mood, it’s all good; shit happens.  But when I’m in a funk and cannot figure out what on earth is depressing me, it causes me to go further in a funk.

I sit on the couch and watch dumb TV.  I laugh at the idiots making fools of themselves, but once I turn that TV off, I’m still in a funk.  I chill with the kids and listen to their chatter, but once they leave, I’m still in a funk.  I never call anyone or answer the phone because I don’t want to depress someone else or start an argument.  If someone happens to catch me in a funk, the first thing I hear is “Snap out of it.”  Unfortunately, easier said than done.

I still don’t understand inexplicable funks, but I liken them to sleep paralysis.  According to Wikipedia.org, sleep paralysis is “a phenomenon in which people, either when falling asleep or wakening, temporarily experience a sense of inability to move, similar to when an arm or leg goes to sleep, but not associated with numbness”.  If you have ever encountered it, then this next sentence that Wikipedia.org has explained in reference to the symptoms will be eerily familiar: “Many people that experience sleep paralysis are struck with a deep sense of terror, because they sense a menacing presence in the room while paralyzed.”

Mine first occurred when I was a young girl, and when I related the incident, I was informed that my spirit was trying to leave me in my sleep, and if I didn’t fight to get it back, it’ll be lost forever.  If you are West Indian, you know that many of our folklores are not going anywhere.  If you are not West Indian, come on, you know you have your own shtick.  So naturally I believed that, and every time it happened to me, I fought like hell to wake up, so that when I do, my spirit is still with me.  Then I tried my utmost not to go back to sleep.  And it’s bad when every single time I fall back to sleep, it happens again.  For some reason, it usually occurs when I nap on a couch during the day.  The worst experience was when, and I kid you not, there was some kind of ghost with red eyes, walking around the room and talking.  It kept coming towards me, but for some reason, it never reached.  Gee, I wonder why!

One day it happened, and I don’t know if it was sheer laziness or fatigue, but I said to myself, “Why am I fighting this?  I never win.”  So I relaxed and went with it.  Once I was “back in my body”, I just got up as usual and went about my business.  After a period of time, I mentioned this to a couple of people, and they reprimanded me.  They told me never to give up and to keep fighting.  So I reverted to my tussling with evil spirits in my dreams, even though I never revived until they were done with me.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely hate not knowing the meaning of or the reason behind anything.  And since I had already come to the conclusion that with 7 billion people in the world, no event in my life is isolated, different or extraordinary, I thought that there might be others living with this “nightmare”.  So I Googled the symptoms and sure enough, it exists in every single culture in the world.  And all of the people swear that some evil spirit is fighting them in their sleep.

I don’t remember it happening to me since I researched it, but one thing I know for sure:  the next time it happens, I’m just going to roll with it.  Then I’m going to get up off the couch and resume my life because I have noticed that when I fight it, it just scares me to death; whereas when I allow it to take its course, I awake peacefully.

Likewise when I’m in a funk and pretend all is well, I become more irritable.  I get crankier.  I yell more.  I withdraw more.  But when I let that funk take me to the bottom, and there is no more funk left, I get up, I say enough, and I find something fun to do.  If I’m stuck at home, my pleasurable chore is the laundry.  Nothing gives me more satisfaction and calm than washing, drying, folding, ironing and putting clothes away.  Okay…… I also watch TV while I iron and fold.  If the weather is great, I go outside and engage in some kind of physical activity.  Walking alone, playing tennis with my husband or sisters, playing basketball or football with the kids all put me in a much better mood.

So for 2013 and beyond, give yourself a break.  If you feel depressed, so what.  There is no guilt or shame in that.  Every day can’t be Christmas.  Not even the best comedian is always in a good mood.  Go with the funk.  Stay with the funk.  Enjoy your funk as much as you enjoy your mirth because perspectively speaking, once you get out of that funk, there is only one way to go…..up!