Saturday, June 30, 2012

Some Things That Still Baffle Me

Your relative, most likely elderly, that you haven’t spoken to or visited in a long while passes away.  All of a sudden you have time, money and energy to go shopping for a new outfit to attend the funeral, most likely a destination funeral.


In the same vein, you have never sent her flowers, but now you have brought the biggest wreath to the funeral.  You have never planned a party for her when she was alive, but you are the go to person for the liquor and you are inviting everyone you know to the repast. 


News announcer:  Today 500,000 people were killed in an atomic bomb explosion, including one American.  The sole American was a local businessman from Springfield, ME who left behind a wife and six children.  He was on his way back from giving a speech about about……

Now that’s cold!

In other news, a bus carrying 20 passengers from a field trip flipped over a bridge.  All of the dead were mostly women and children. 

Guess a man’s life is not valuable.

I haven’t heard from someone in a long time, so I finally call, as usual.  Next thing I know, I’m the one who cannot get a word in edgewise.  I’m not even granted the courtesy of giving the reason for my call.  As I’m on the phone I’m tempted to ask, “If you had so much to tell me, why didn’t you call?”


I’m in a heated debate with someone who proceeds to tell me that I think I’m always right.  Every time I hear that I always wonder if anyone would believe that someone would speak with such conviction if she thinks she was wrong, and also what is the point of a debate if you think the other person makes more sense.

Don't get it!

Someone prays earnestly for something and gets it.  Conclusion – The Lord answers prayers.  Same person prays earnestly for something else and doesn’t get it.  Conclusion – God doesn’t think that it was for me.  Same person prays earnestly for another thing and again doesn’t get it.  Conclusion – Same as previous.  Then later gets it.  New conclusion – God answers prayers in His own time; my time is not His time. 


A pastor can get his entire congregation to not only listen to him but to do exactly as he commands, although he is not watching them 24/7.  However, he cannot get his own family to obey him.  Not his wife, not his teenage kids, not even his toddlers.  Don’t want to point any fingers, but Creflo Dollar, I thought you had more clout at home.  And for the record, I was somewhat disappointed that when the police arrived you were totally dressed down.  Or was I the only one that pictured you in a three-piece pajama, complete with a pocket square?


Someone hurts my kids or something saddens them which cause them to cry.  As much as I try not to, I can’t help but to cry too.  Yes, even in public.  I know; it’s pretty embarrassing.  But if I discipline them verbally or “otherwise” and they cry, I couldn’t care less.  And to top it off, I have the nerve to act like my mother and ask them what they are crying for and I better not hear any noise before I give them something to cry for.  If they are anything like me, I know they are thinking, “Fool, what do you think you just did?”

Go figure.

Why is bad influence more powerful than good?  Very seldom do I hear someone say that her child has become a better person from hanging out with another individual.  It is usually that the child got caught up with the wrong crowd.  Even if the child has good role models at home, even if the child sees the consequences of others getting caught up with bad company, he ignores all of that and follows the wrong crowd.


Why can’t people see their own faults?  And I know it’s typically hard to admit our own faults to others, but to actually say that someone is guilty of something while you yourself are blatantly guilty of the exact same thing is beyond me. 

What gives?

How come people cannot find time to vote in political elections, but can find time to vote for their favorite reality star contestants?  Politics directly affect them, but somehow it’s not that important to them.  Voting for a contestant only helps that contestant, yet it becomes their main priority.


Why would someone complain to another person about being so busy that he cannot return a call to someone else?  He will take minutes to go into great detail about his tight schedule and difficulty in returning important phone calls, but still wouldn’t use that time to make the call. 


How can someone put medicine in his mouth after fully knowing that possible side effects include: headache, blurry vision, dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue, insomnia, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, dry mouth, bad breath, loss of appetite, weight loss, increased appetite, weight gain, seizure, paralysis, abnormal bleeding, stroke, heart arrhythmias, heart attack and even death, yes for Pete’s sake death?  How can you take that and seriously hope for the best?  Then when you or someone you love go ahead and take that drug and suffer a few of the aforementioned complications, you find a law firm willing to sue that drug company seeking monetary compensation. 

Are you frigging kidding me?

Even if I figure all of this out, something else will still baffle me because perspectively speaking human beings are strange creatures.

Monday, June 25, 2012

I Am Borderline.......


The other day my sister happened to mention that she was taking Aspirin due to some kind of blood issue.  I didn’t understand the entire story before I thought I had blood clots formulating.  I started feeling some stimulation in my legs.  The piercings went throughout my entire body, but when it shot through my head, I knew for sure a stroke was on its way.   I called my husband and asked him to bring me some Bayer Aspirin when he was coming home.

Usually I am not phased by other people’s illnesses, but since it’s my sister, and we have the same genes (of course in different orders, neither here nor there) I self prescribed because we obviously have the same thing.  She said she was taking about six a day, I thought that was too many and only took one.  But then I looked at the directions and realized that I could take up to three at once and proceeded to take two.  Didn’t want to overdo now.

That was a Friday night.  The next day as I laid in bed, I noticed that the zipping was still going through my body.  I asked my husband to take me to the Emergency Room because after all I’m dying and why should I drive myself.  He was tired, and I guess so accustomed to the doctor in my head, that he suggested I just go to sleep.  So of course I pulled out the guilt card and asked how he could just lie there and expect me to do the same when I could be dying.

Since I had gone to the ER a few times and after running multiple tests, nothing was discovered, I decided he might be on to something, so I resorted to calling my physician.  Did I mention that I had just finished paying off my last ER bill?  Eventually the on call doctor returned my call and said he doesn’t think it’s a blood clot.  Sounds more like sciatic nerve, he said.

Would you believe before I even hung up the zinging stopped, but all of a sudden my back was feeling weird!  And of course I concurred that he might be right because I was feeling some tingling in my back too.  He said if it continued I should call on Monday.  Well that’s what I thought he said.

After he said it wasn’t a blood clot, I felt better, so I didn’t call.  The office left a message on Monday, but I didn’t notice.  They called Tuesday morning and asked if I could come in.  I went in and confessed that I was a bit (just a tad bit) of a hypochondriac and if they didn’t find anything wrong, chances are I’m fine.  I also suggested that it could be symptoms of me getting old, and once they confirmed that, I’d be quite okay.

The last thing the doctor asked before I left was if I wanted her to prescribe anything for my nerves.  That was when I knew I had to get a grasp of this self diagnosing thingy.


In one day I could wear three different outfits.  And I don’t mean to leave the house.  If I’m cooking, especially fish, then I refuse to wear the same clothes to do certain other chores.  If I have cleaned the bathroom, God forbid I keep those same clothes on to cook.  And of course whatever I have worn to throw the dirty clothes in the washer cannot be the same I sit down in to fold.  And that explains why I never wash and fold the same day.  I usually fold first thing the following morning ……. when I’m fresh.

And don’t get me started with the toilet.  It is impossible for me to plunge (again these kids..okay I confess I’m guilty sometimes) and don’t take a shower immediately.  Don’t judge me…..have you ever plunged and nothing splashes on you?  Speaking of splash, I cannot be the only one who hates to bathe right after someone else because that wet shower curtain might just touch me.  I know, I know, I’m about to get wet, but my idea of getting wet is not the curtain touching my arms before I am settled in the shower.

I know the kids get annoyed when I asked them to dry the pots for me…..please don’t forget and put the towel over your shoulder if you have just come in from playing.  And do I have to add that I have to see or hear them wash their hands before they touch anything in the kitchen?  And why do I have to take my apron off to use the bathroom if I’m cooking but if I’m not wearing the apron and go to the bathroom, I don’t change my clothes?  Hmmmm

Since we are on the topic of the kitchen, well I am.  Am I wrong to want the dirty dishes to be put in water so that the person who will be doing the dishes doesn’t have to see dried up food on the plates and utensils?  And I promise, one of these days after I have scrubbed the pots with the Comet, that should suffice and there would be no need to then wash them over with detergent and a sponge.

And what’s with the eggs in the carton?  As I take them out to cook, I alternate them.  I wonder if the eggs would be upset if they are all on the same side.  I wonder if I think the heavier side will make the entire carton drop.


I could be on the phone with a sister or a sister friend when one of the kids does something outrageous.  I scream at him or her, then go right back on the phone with the sweetest, calmest “hello”.  Okay, every parent does that, right?

One thing I’m definitely not border line about is being happy.  When I look in the mirror I not only love, but actually like the person I see because perspectively speaking abnormal is the new normal, and at the end of the day, when you really get to know people, which of us isn’t quirky?

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Unhappy Meal

As a grown woman, if I go to a fast food restaurant and see a slice of apple next to my meal, I’m not eating it.  And just for spite, I’m not eating any of the food either.  I don’t go to fast food restaurants for nutritious food.  It’s no secret why I go.  I go for the speedy service and the shitty food, which I occasionally enjoy.  I won’t eat it every day.  I won’t even eat it every week.  But sometimes I want a little bit of naughty, so I frequent fast food joints once in a blue moon. 

I have nothing against apples.  I like apples as much as the next guy.  I just don’t want any from a food restaurant.  Just like I have no idea what is in a hot dog, just like I don’t even want to think about what chicken nuggets are really made of, I don’t want to have to question the authenticity of the apples.  Because you know eventually, they are going to find a cheaper, more profitable way to make their apples. Why do you think they shred the lettuce? 

Look, if I want an apple, I go to a farm stand or a grocery store.  So I am totally baffled as to why fast food restaurants are now slipping slices of apples in kids’ meals.  Isn’t the purpose of a happy meal to make a child happy?  If a child is used to getting healthy food, then one happy meal every quarter or every other month or even once a month cannot do much harm.  People, it’s all about moderation!  If I want healthy food, it’s my job to cook it myself or go to a real restaurant where the food is prepared from scratch.  Let’s not pretend here.  In fact, let’s have everyone play their part. 

The Christian church was established mainly to bring people closer to Christ and to spread His word of Love.  Now most churches are multimillion dollar “corporations”.  To each his own, but the concept of a megachurch still bothers me.  It’s just not right that a congregant goes to church every single week and the pastor cannot pick him out of a lineup.  

Jesus was not obsessed about tithing.  Jesus was not preoccupied about doctrines.  Jesus never cared about power.  Jesus never wanted to accumulate wealth.  Jesus never dwelled about the importance of worshiping on the Sabbath.  He cared about people.  He cared about the sick, the poor and the inflicted.  He cared about saving souls.  There is nothing wrong with a church having its religious dogmas as its point of paramount significance. 

There is nothing wrong with a church stressing on the importance of tithing.  But should it be called a Christian church?  The Church of the Sadducees and Pharisees, maybe, but nothing resembling Jesus Christ.

Historically a bank was a place where people borrowed and lent money.  So if I need money, I borrow at a rate of 5% and another individual who has money, lends it to the bank for a rate of say 3%.  That way, the bank makes a profit of 2%.  Sounds fair enough, right?  Not quite.  Now the banks want to borrow people’s hard earned money for 1% while lending it to others at 10%.  So you would think at that 9% profit, the lenders can rest assured that their money will be safe when they are ready for it.  Again too easy.  Of course the banks have to invest that 9%, but due to excessive greed, they want to make 900% on that money, so they gamble it all away.

Now the reason why people put their money in banks is because they think it will be safe.  They could have easily gone themselves to the casinos, the tracks or even the convenience store to buy lottery tickets.  And when most people do that, they use their play money.  So for banks to use people’s hard earned money to gamble is very offensive, especially when they can’t give their customers more than 1% but can pay their executives $20M a year in salary.

Remember when we went to school to learn?  Now it has become a social organization with annual graduations.  Seriously, what is the purpose of a kindergarten graduation?  And how many times does a student have to graduate before reaching 12th grade?  And what’s up with having the students and their parents selling candy, cookie dough and anything else these schools deem sellable?  I only know so many people.  And why are sports more important than academics?

And since I’m ranting, there are the jails.  How can anyone in good conscience keep building jails while closing schools?  Why do they keep hiring prison officers while firing teachers?  How can they justify spending $225,000 to house a prisoner but not $50,000 to educate him?  The purpose of jails is to deter people from recommitting crimes, to punish them, to reform them.  Yet majority of inmates leave without any kind of reformation and all intent to recommit more serious crimes.

Perspectively speaking, if everyone just plays the right part and focus on the main mission, not only will society run more smoothly, but everyone will be more content.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

“You are going to college!”

I heard a father telling that to his daughter on a Gerber Life Insurance commercial, and I thought that used to be me.   But over the years I have made a 180° or 360°, as some people would say.  And it’s not that I think my children aren’t college material; they definitely are.  I just think that college is not for everyone.  And not everyone wants to go to college right after high school.  And it’s not because I’m some right- wing nut job like Rick ‘What a snob’ Santorum, either.  It’s just that I am aware that I cannot live my children’s lives.  Give guidance? Yes.  Give advice?  Yes. Give enough information for them to make good choices?  Yes.  Run their lives? No!  Plus I am busy enough trying and erring with mine to add theirs to my schedule.  They have to know what will make them happy.  It might not always make me the happiest, but I’m sure there have been times when my decisions did not always put smiles on their faces either.

So far, they have been encouraged to go to college.  I think a college degree is the best shot to financial independence, [second to winning the lottery (you know I am joking, right)], but if in six to eight years when they are done with high school, and their minds have changed, considering that they have real concrete plans, I’m cool with that.  As long as they know that I’m not supporting them forever, and they have reasonable, legal and moral resources to take care of themselves, no harm. 

Then there is the economy.  One has to be real prudent about college.  It’s not like yesteryear where kids just went to any college after school or studied anything just to say they have a college degree.  With college tuition costing more than most mortgages, with college graduates remaining unemployed while stuck with college debt, one cannot be Willy Nilly about college anymore.

I believe if a child wants to go to college, she better have a good idea by age 16 what she wants to study.  I don’t think it is wise to be at your high school graduation thinking that you are going to major in Liberal Arts until you figure out what you want to do or saying that you are going to take all your core credits and then pick something.  And yes I’m aware that a certain individual followed that path and is now President of the United States, but the last time I checked only 44 people made that gang in all of 236 years. 

And I certainly don’t what to hear that you are going to major in English unless you expect to be become a professor or a teacher.  Granted you might not know what kind of medicine you want to specialize in, at least know that you want to be a doctor.  You might not know what kind of law you want to pursue, at least know that you want to become a lawyer.  You might not know what kind of engineer you want to be, at least know that you want to major in Engineering.

If you graduated with a degree in Journalism, please do not apply to banks for employment.  My God, follow through and not make it up as you go along.  And I’m not forcing a musician to study law or medicine because it sounds good on paper or to my friends.   There is too much is at stake right now.  Too much money, too much debt, too much unemployment, too much competition!

So don’t forget to do your research:  What kind of jobs will be in demand after four years?  What kind of job do you want to do for the rest of your life?  Will your passion equal what is in demand?  How much debt should you take on?  Would you be able to pay off the debt from the job that you intend to pursue?

I have 11 year old twins, and in an effort not to label them I will not say that my daughter is smarter than my son; I will say that she is more focused.  Plus some people are better at academics than at athletics.  Okay, bad example here.  Currently, he wants to be a doctor, and she wants to be a chef.  He has wanted to be a doctor for the past five years, but her choices have changed over the years.  First she wanted to be a pilot, but realizing that one of her regular days on the job might not end so regularly, she changed her mind.  Changing minds at that age is fine.  No need for pressure at this stage.

Now fast-forward six years when they are done with high school and still feel the same way.  Also take into consideration that she continued to do well in math and science.  Do I force her to become a doctor?  Do I force her to become a lawyer since she is NEVER wrong and can change her rationale for any answer in a second?  Do I encourage her to leave her passion and do something that I think she could be good at?  Heck no!  I encourage her to excel at whatever she chooses to do for the rest of her life.  You want to be a chef, then be the best chef there is.  You want to study culinary arts, then apply to the best school.  With her strong skills in math, she would be able to measure her ingredients without utensils.  That will quicken the process and she will have more time for the next task.  Or if she is a great chef and owns her own French restaurant (I mean, if you are going to be a top chef, you can’t own a burger joint, right --I’m kidding, it’s her life), but, seriously, there is party scheduled for 200 people, in an instant she should know how many staff to have on hand.

But at the same token, if any of my kids happens to realize that going to college was a better option or that the chosen career path will not be a lifelong one, guess what (I must be getting mellow in my old age) I’ll actually be there to assist with the transition.  Know why?  Life changes.  People's minds change.  Circumstances change.  

Perspectively speaking, I have one job as a mother – to make my children happy. 

PS: Good luck, Grads.......seriously, GOOD LUCK!!!