Saturday, May 31, 2014

Stick To Your Wings

Okay, many of you know that I’m a big Rihanna fan.  I think she has a great voice.  I think she has a lot of range and versatility.  I think she’s hot.  I think she’s one sexy babe.  Don’t care for all the tattoos, and I could do without seeing her dancing like she’s on somebody’s pole at Carnival, but hey she’s still young.  She’ll get over that….hopefully.  Or maybe she’ll be like Madonna and still publicly twerk in her 60’s.  We’ll see.

So the other day I saw the story about Alexis Carter, a Baltimore teen who wore a similar outfit like Rihanna’s to her prom.  Apparently the dress, well it was more of a costume, did not go over too well with audience, and she was mocked on social media including by Rihanna herself.

First Alexis said that everyone loved it, but after Rihanna “cyber bullied” her, she refused to show her face in public and was extremely hurt.  Now if Rihanna had praised the outfit, you know Miss Alexis would have gladly shown her face in the interview, gladly talked about her outfit and gladly accepted her 15 minutes of fame.

Alexis, you don’t need Rihanna or anybody else for that matter, telling you that you look good.  Personally, I didn’t care for it myself either, and she really looked like she was waiting for her batmobile.  But who cares!  You like Rihanna, well at this point, LIKED, so what if you don’t get her approval.  If you were bold enough to wear that outfit in public, then be bold enough to defend it, no matter what the entire world says.  You claimed that everyone loved it, but now you are crying in shame because Rihanna made fun of you, and a bunch of people joined her.

Are you telling me that you can’t find a thing or two to laugh at Rihanna about and move on with your life?  Come on!  You were bold enough to wear a batsuit to your high school prom.  Surely, you are bold enough to just mention Chris Brown or just show her a text or sing one of his songs to get her off your back.  And this is coming from one of Rihanna’s biggest fans.  Instead, you’d rather hide in shame than knock her down a notch or 40?  Come on, now!  Where is that brave Alexis?  Your life hasn’t ended; it just started, Girlfriend.

By the way, since when can’t we make fun of 16 year olds if they do something ridiculous, in our opinion?  Because that is exactly what it is – Rihanna’s opinion.  Okay, mine too.  She looked ridiculous in that contraption.  When 16 year olds get accepted to Ivy League colleges, we rightfully praise them; so why can’t we make fun of those who go to Hollywood themed proms dressed like bats?

Since I’m fired up, let me just say that I’m sick and tired of these wimpy terms that people are creating like cyber bullying.  And don’t get me wrong, I feel badly for people who take their own lives because they feel bullied.  But if someone was talking smack to me on the internet, there are so many other options I can chose besides suicide.  I can change my username, use an alias, delete my account, only use the internet for educational purposes.

A while back, some lady came to my door and said that my child was messing with her child on the bus and called her fat.  I succeeded in keeping a straight face, but I thought to myself, “Well, is she fat?”  If she is indeed on the fluffy side, and you and she don’t like it, then do something about it because whether or not he notices, that does not change the issue.  But the bigger point was this: Are you telling me that her child could not look at my child and find something to mock him about?  The boy literally had something against lotion for a while there.  It didn’t matter how much lotion, Aquaphor, body oil or gel was staring him in the face, he was just a wash-n-go kinda kid.  And ChapStick and Vaseline Lip Therapy were not his friends either.  Is her daughter blind?  He was such an easy target.

The amount of people who were pouring out heartfelt thoughts to this girl and saying that they won’t buy any more of Rihanna’s albums was crazy.  Don’t buy them, or buy them; who cares!  The bigger issue is that we are raising a generation of wusses.  Kids can’t play dodge ball anymore because it is too dangerous.  Kids can’t wear certain clothes or shoes to school anymore because outer kids might feel badly about being poor.  Kids can no longer get hardcover yearbooks because other kids might feel badly about only affording the softcover ones.  Kids can’t have recess anymore because, I don’t even know what the reason for this one is!

All I’m saying, Alexis, is when you saw Rihanna in the outfit, you were pleased.  When you decided to wear it to your prom, you were pleased.  When you created it yourself, you were pleased.  When all your friends complemented you, you were pleased.  Stick to your gun and keep loving it.  Don’t let other people’s opinions deter you from enjoying your batsuit, Child.  Years from now, you will look back on this time and laugh…hopefully.  But perspectively speaking, that is part of growing up, so welcome to your new reality, my Dear.

Friday, May 30, 2014

What Goes For the Goose Never Goes For the Gander

I cannot stand that website,  Every time I check out news on, and the story is on, I always get sucked into stories like CELEBRITIES WHO DID THE MOST WHILE PREGNANT, DID YOU KNOW THEY DATED?, CELEBRITY MEN ACCUSED OF SEXUAL ASSAULT and other nonsense like that that I really shouldn’t be interested in.  So when I saw CELEBRITIES WHO’VE MARRIED SECRETLY, I should have, but I didn’t resist the urge.  After all, if they secretly wed, they didn’t want me to know; but if knows about it, then I’m going to find out which ones are still secret to me.

Hence I was shocked to see that Michael Ealy has been married for two years.  How did that slip me?  Oh, because he is extremely private, and rightfully so.  His wife is of Middle Eastern descent, a gorgeous woman by the name of Khatira Rafiqzada.  Since his wife is not Black, I became curious to see what the folks in the peanut gallery had to say.  Among other ridiculous statements, this one caught my eye, “He should have married someone black.”

Okay, I don’t always agree with other people’s logic.  I might get it, but totally disagree.  For instance:  some people think that if they are not feeling well, then they will use their last ounce of energy to clean the house, in case, God forbid, they die, and strangers come to a dirty house.  I’m the complete opposite.  If I’m not feeling well, I’m using my last breaths to watch TV to distract me from thinking that I’m going to die.  And in the event that that doesn’t work, and I do die, I’d be real happy that I didn’t use my last energy to clean a house for people to come and criticize anyway.  First of all, I couldn’t care less what those people thought when I was alive; so I sure as hell will not care when I’m dead.  Plus, if they come to grieve with my family and a dirty house is the only thing on their minds, then they best let the door hit them where the good Lord split them.  So although I don’t agree, I understand that some people don’t want others mentioning how dirty their house is……even in death.

Speaking of death, another logic I don’t agree with is expensive funerals.  I mean, some of these same people would say to you, “You are throwing good money away”, if they see you buying expensive food or something on which they won’t spend a lot of money.  However, they don’t think that buying a casket for $9,000, flowers for $300, a brand new outfit for $200, digging a hole and putting them all in there is throwing good money away.  All they know is that they want to give their loved ones a good sendoff.  But hey, to each his own!

But the logic of marrying someone just because of the ethnicity is beyond ridiculous.  Now Michael Ealy was 39 when he got married, so I’m going to assume that at that age, he had sown all of his oats and was quite ready to settle down.  He had been dating the woman for FOUR years.  Again, I’m going to assume that she was the love of his life, the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the woman he chose to bore his children.

And now some random person thinks that he made a bad choice, and he should just find some random Black woman to marry.  Who is this person to tell someone else who he should marry?  It makes no kind of sense to me.  But for some reason, these people who get offended at Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Jamie Foxx and other Black men who are linked to White women, have no problem with Robert De Niro, George Lucas and Roger Ebert.  In fact, they love these men because they seem to date only Black women.  They also have no problem with fictional Olivia Pope sleeping with a married fictional President.  And they swear that Adam Levine had a thing for Tessanne Chin.

I understand the resentment.  If the rich and famous brothers don’t marry the sisters, then how are they to ever get out of poverty?  Oh, make their own money.  If the rich and famous brothers don’t marry the sisters, how are they ever going to feel beautiful?  Oh, beauty comes from within.  It’s actually not that simple because there is some form of rejection there, on one hand; but on the other hand, it’s up to the sisters to find their own paths to happiness.  If you drop the typical Black woman in Alaska, she will sit in her igloo and wait for a good Black man.  However, if the typical Black man ends up in Alaska, the first thing he asks is “Where are the girls?”

If folks can admire the Robert DeNiros of the world, then let’s give the Michael Ealys the benefit of the doubt too.  Let’s not assume that they marry non-Black women because they want their children to have ‘nice’ hair, that they want to lighten their offspring, that they feel like they have arrived, that they are turning their backs on their community, that they don’t love the women in their families or whatever 'logic' one can find.  Plus, perspectively speaking, we should be busy and content enough with our own lives than to worry about the love lives of strangers.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Is This Considered Nepotism?

I finally stopped procrastinating and got the long awaited book published.

My book 40 Lessons in 40 Years is now available for purchase at:

Please check it out and support a struggling blogger! 

Friday, May 16, 2014

Sexy is Not a Size!

We, especially women, are all guilty of this.  It doesn’t matter what the mirror says; it doesn’t matter what our significant other says; it doesn’t matter what our family, friends or even strangers say; we always think that what we see is not perfect.

So now that I’m in my 40’s, I have to acknowledge that I am indeed a middle aged woman.  I’ll be 45 in seven months, so I assure you that reality has set in, and set in with a vengeance.  Sure, I’d like to live to be 103, so technically 51.5 should be my middle age.  However, if I’m lucky enough to make it to 90, the math shows that I’m already there.  Therefore, I’m at the age where every now and then, I bring sexy back.  It doesn’t always stay, which is why I have to bring it back every so often. 

So, where does a lady like me go to bring sexy back?  Victoria’s Secret.  I know.  I know.  They are not for everyone.  But if they can send me a coupon for a free undie basically once a month, the least I can do is go there to actually purchase something.  The other day, I went in and saw the sexiest bra and panty.  But I thought, “I’m at home most of the time, why do I need to buy them?  Plus I’ll get a free one soon.  It won’t be the same, but it’ll be free.”  So I left.  But they are on my mind so I figure, “What the heck?”  I return, and they are all out.  Not one is left.  Sales lady says they finished the same day.  So I go online and see that the line is actually called Very Sexy Strappy!  So fitting, but now they don’t have the color that I want.  I love blue, but the pink looks real hot.  I called all the Victoria’s Secret stores within a 50 mile radius, and they are all out.  I went out of town for Easter weekend, and I’m calling stores in the neighboring area; no answer.  Well, it’s Easter Sunday, stores are closed.

I returned to the Victoria’s Secret in my area, and they are back, but again, not the pink and not my size.  I examined one, and it’s a barely there panty.  I think to myself, “Damn!  All my cellulite is just going to pop out between these strings.  Maybe it’s a good thing they don’t have my size because I would have bought them and wouldn’t be able to wear them comfortably.”  But I’m still thinking about those darn sexy panties, and now I have a $10 coupon.

I went away last weekend and found myself in a mall, and as I passed a Victoria’s Secret, I decided to check out if they had the pink.  It’s my lucky day.  The pink is there.  The blue is there.  And the black is there.  And I’m also thankful that those people in the South just love their ham hocks and pork-laden vegetables because my size is there too.  Now you know I’m cheap, but I’m also practical.  So you know I’m not going to spend one more night without these in my hands.  I didn’t have my coupon with me.  I had to pay 7% tax.  But that did not deter me one bit.  Those babies were coming with me today.

Wore one the very same night, and I must say, did not disappoint at all.  Did I look like those Victoria’s Secret photo shopped models?  Hell na!  But I have teenagers.  I’ve been pregnant a time or two.  I have the stretch marks to prove it.  It’s all good.  But one thing was for sure: I might not have looked like them, but I felt like them.

Then to top it off, when I returned to Pennsylvania, the lingerie I purchased online came in the mail, and there was another $10 coupon waiting for me.  Now you know that store is encouraging me to return to sexy!  So I went right there to get a matching pink bra.  And if that wasn’t enough of an incentive, I had just tried this Baby Foot exfoliating peel, which actually worked well, and I had stocked up on my body fragrances.  So the soles of my feet are extra smooth.  My skin smells extra sweet.  And I have my Very Sexy Strappy panties!  Yeah I’m cheap, but there are two things that I do not think twice about spending good money on:  food and body fragrances.  And the more tropical they are, the crazier I go.  Just tell me that mango is in it, and I’m all over it!

So after overcoming being too jiggly, not having perfect skin, not being perfectly proportioned, basically not being a lingerie model, I put that lingerie on and voila…..Stella got her groove back!  Sure my husband benefited from the whole saga, but I did it for me.  Can’t speak for the rest of you, but when I feel sexy, I feel happy; I feel young; I feel joyous.  And if I’m going to wait until my body is firmer, cleaner, more perfect, I’ll probably be waiting forever.  And you know what, because we are so hard on ourselves, 20 years ago, it was because I was too skinny.  Can’t wear this because I’m too straight.  Can’t wear that because I have no curves.  Oh and then when we have the perfect body, can’t wear this because someone else is going to look at me lustfully.

Enough.  If some other man looks at you because you went out of your way to look good for yourself, that’s his problem.  If his wife catches him, that’s her problem.  Sexy comes from within.  Sure the sexy attire helps.  The sexy fragrances help.  But unless you find a way to get your sexy on and get it on quick, you are just going to keep falling into that abyss of unsexiness.  It doesn’t matter if you are 10 pounds underweight or 10 pounds overweight.  It doesn’t matter if you are 20 pounds overweight or 120 pounds overweight, as long as you tell yourself you are sexy, as long as you feel you are sexy, get your sexy on because perspectively speaking, men are just not that deep to notice stretch marks, cellulite and poxy skin!