Sunday, May 13, 2012

It’s Mother’s Day


Alrighty then.

Full disclosure, I don’t look forward to Mother’s Day.  It’s not that I have a complete aversion to it, or that I even dislike it.  I just don’t care either way.  Yeah, apathy.  That’s it.  Okay….. if we could skip that “holiday” altogether, I guess I’ll be happy.

I don’t fully remember my first ten Mother’s Days except that at church, gifts were always given to special mothers – oldest mother, youngest mother, mother with the most children, mother with most grandchildren.  And the oldest mother, for the longest was the same woman.  I swear in the last few years, she showed up but had no idea why she was there or where she was or for all you know who she was.

But 31 years ago on Mother’s Day, my mother was laid to rest.  And since then I haven’t really felt the need to “celebrate”.

I haven’t totally boycotted it like I have Valentine’s Day.  But, it’s just not my favorite time of the year.  Whenever I mention this, people usually say that I shouldn’t look at it that way because I am a mother now.  I am ecstatic that my kids have a mother, but I don’t; so I cannot help but to look at it that way.

Do I accept Mother’s Day wishes?  Yes.  Do I cherish a kind friend who sends me a Mother’s Day card?  Yes.  Do I wish others Happy Mother’s Day?  Yes.  Will I accept a Mother’s Day gift?  You betcha.  And if someone is a mother or a grandmother for the first time or have an unusual circumstance, I’ll sincerely wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.  But honestly, the second Sunday in May is very painful for me.  And I don’t enjoy reliving it every single year.  Some years I can handle it.  Other years, not so much.  And when it falls on the anniversary of my mother’s burial, I’m a total wreck.

I don’t want to be a downer on this day because for some people it is the most important day of the year.  But for people who are motherless, it is different.  And they are not the only ones.  It is also tough for women who have yet to have children, cannot have children, do not want to have children or have lost children.  So I can certainly empathize. 

And in polite settings, it also becomes uncomfortable for the well wishers.  Like at church, people had to be careful not to let the childless women not feel slighted.  People had to be careful not to accidentally tell them Happy Mother’s Day.  (And I say 'had' because I gave up going to church on Mother's Day a long time ago.)  Some people would wish them greetings, with the addendum, “although you are not a mother, you are like a mother to so many of the youths in this place”.  Well, don’t assume that it’s okay with them.

Then the day or two prior to the big day, if you go out, people wish you Happy Mother’s Day, not knowing whether or not if you are a mother.  If you are not, do you explain this to a total stranger?  If you are, do you say the same to you, if it’s a woman, not knowing if she is a mother or not.  Not knowing if she celebrates Mother’s Day or not.  After all, some mothers don’t think there is anything happy about Mother’s Day.  Like, Sybrina Fulton, Trayvon Martin’s mother – she will never feel the same way about Mother’s Day ever again.  And the mother of my 15 year old friend who died 28 years ago also comes to mind.

And I admit, if my mother were alive and well, Mother’s Day would probably be in the same caliber like Thanksgiving and Christmas, holidays that I look forward to because I get to spend time with my family.  But she’s not, so for me, it’s just another day. 

Please don’t judge me because I’m not a complete Scrooge.  I enjoy a good old birthday.  And I have never met anyone who begrudgingly wished another person Happy Birthday.  In fact, every time people find out it is someone’s birthday, a smile typically comes to their lips as they genuinely wish that person birthday greetings.  Why?  Because just about everyone can relate to a birthday.  And even if someone is Jehovah’s Witness, she still has to acknowledge that day even if only for identification purposes.

I presume I’ll change my mind when I become a grandmother.  And I imagine I’ll make a big deal when my own daughter becomes a mother, but as of now, it is what it is.

So if I stop wishing all mothers a Happy Mother’s Day, please do not take it personally because perspectively speaking it’s me, not you.


  1. It would be nice if you could dwell on the positive things your mother did and remember her that way instead of feeling sorrow of her death.

  2. I want wish you a happy mothers day....but I will wish you a very blessed day.


  3. I understand where you are coming from, I lost my mom 15 years ago on my father's birthday. Some days are just harder to swallow than others, but you have every right to your feelings and your emotions. I lost my dad last year on Oct 4, so Father's day is going to be hard on me, his birthday is going to be double hard on me, my parents anniversary is hard... but I am entitled to my feelings and no one is telling me otherwise. I have 5 children and my Mother's Day is usually nothing super special, except I get handmade gifts from my 2 youngest children, and I get the "day off" from my motherly duties. I'm happy with that, but I still miss my mom, nothing is going to change that.

    1. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. I can only empathize with you guys losses. However, I have worked in healthcare for over twenty years and seen death and dying repeatedly. I have even seen where a person has lost their mind over death. It seems as though you all may be stuck in the grieving stage still. No one is saying it isn't hard to accept the loss of a parent or just someone close to you. Truly I do understand you can not touch that person, smell them, conversate with them etc. I merely want to offer a option of celebrating them since you have children and for you all to try to portray the good they brought to your lives with your children, friends and family.

  4. You have every right to feel the way you do. I can only imagine how it feels to lose a mom. Take care!

  5. You give serious food for thought in this post. This past Mother's Day was not the happiest one for my mom as she lost 2 of her children in a period of 3 years. Anyway I prepared a special lunch for her. Some days are very hard to celebrate. I struggle with birthdays as I lost my identical twin sister in 2008. Christmas was not easy from then and last year December 28 one of my brothers died. Anyway I read a lot of inspirational books, meditate and pray to help me deal with all these challenges. I am now a Follower of your Blog. Enjoy the rest of your week.