Corporations Are Not People

And dammit neither are dogs!  People are people; and dogs are dogs.

I was at an event recently when a lady had her dog in one arm and getting food from the buffet table in another.  One of those annoying, fluffy, toy dogs I truly adore.  I was extremely disgusted, especially when the dog’s butt hair was about to touch the food.  But I looked away just in time because I wasn’t done eating and didn’t want anything to come between me and my second plate.  (Okay, if you are not laughing right now, you have no sense of humor, and I just gave up on you.)

Anyway the food was great; and the wine was off the chain.  Since I was alone and driving, I consumed only one glass.  I later learned that the vineyard was 10 minutes from my house.  I promptly bought two bottles.  That winery was my new spot, my new joint (pun intended).  And as I chit chatted with the owner, it felt good knowing that she seemed quite nice too.

My neighbor’s birthday was approaching, and I thought two bottles of that delicious wine would be a good gift.  I arrived at my new hang out only to find out that it opened only on weekends.  Luckily I had another week before her birthday.

After my son’s baseball game on Saturday I was heading home alone when I spontaneously went to the winery.  However in my adventurous mood, I took a different route.  After driving through the winding roads, I gave up and entered my home address in the GPS.  At least I would be able to find the winery store on the way home.  It worked and when I arrived, I added the location in the GPS titling it Winery; after all that was THE winery that I was going to shop at for eternity.

Planning on getting a couple of bottles for my son’s coach, I checked the website for selections.  Once I realized buying six bottles would give me a 5% discount, I didn’t see the harm in getting a couple for my stash also.

Since my hands would be full, I grabbed my credit card, locked the car door and took the keys.  This quaint little winery store is on a hill, and the entrance is at the front, but the office door is near the parking lot.

I had been there twice before so I’m casually strolling to the front when I’m accosted by of all things ……….. a frigging dog.  Not a toy dog or a Chihuahua.  Those I could have easily handled.  But I’m face to face with an unfriendly German shepherd.  Guess no one gave Rufus the memo that this was a place of business and not a private residence.  It now starts to bark at me, so feeling trapped and having nowhere to run, I did the next best thing.

I shouted, “No!  Go back!”  I didn’t want to scream, fearing that it might attack, so I kept shouting, hoping that the owners would come out to my rescue.  It stopped barking but stuck its nose to the ground and slowly came towards me.  I realized there was no way I could run to the car and jump in because it was locked.  Plus, as close as it was, it would have gotten to me before I got to the car. So I decided to steadily walk backwards to the car.

I looked around for a stone.  (I’m Antiguan, and that’s how we do).  But I didn’t see any; so I figured the flower pot in the garden was the perfect alternative.  I reckoned if I just hold it in front of me, that would deter my enemy from attacking.  It wasn’t much, but it was all that I had.

So there I was walking like Bruce Lee or Jet Li (insert your favorite Kung Fu master here) and hoping that my strategy would work, which was getting to my car, leaving the pot on the ground and getting as far away from that place as possible.

Next thing I know, that nice lady I had first met came up to me.  “Is that my plant?” she snapped.  Totally oblivious to her tone, I replied, “The dog came at me.”  She then barked, “What are you doing with it?”  I said, “Defending myself.”  She grabbed it from me, walked back to her office, looked back and said someone would take the dog upstairs.

I got to my car, still not keeping my eyes off that mutt, sat down and thanked God I didn’t soil my pants.  I could easily throw my clothes away, but how the heck would I have gotten that scent from my car.  I would have to leave the windows open overnight, and what if it rained?  Then my problems would be compounded.

As I’m sitting down and forcing my heart back in my chest, she returned to the door and said the dog was upstairs.  I waved at her, returned to my stance then took some more breaths.  After a while I was able to think clearly.  And boy did I think!  

“Did that heifer really think I went through all that trouble to come here and steal a plant?  Seriously, she has no idea.  A) I don’t even know what kind of plant it is and 2) I don’t like plants.  Don’t even care much for flowers.  And who was going to waste gas to come and steal an unknown plant in a temporary flower pot?  And furthermore, she didn’t ask if I was okay.  And she must have seen the look on my face----unless she thought I thought I was busted. ” 

Then I continued.  “She has really put me in a pickle because I knew my neighbor would have enjoyed that wine.  Not to mention that was the best wine I have ever tasted and was lucky enough to find.  Should I just buy the two bottles today and then figure out what to give to my son’s coach?  No.  If I go back in there, I would not be able to be pleasant”

And of course I wasn’t done.  “I wonder if she knows that she just missed out on a $60 purchase (well less 5% discount).  And from a lifelong customer at that.  Shoot, where else can I find local wine?”

I considered going in there and giving her a piece of my mind but realized I was way beyond that.  Besides she probably would have thought I had Turrette syndrome because I would not be able to get past this. 

BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!

And that is a word I try not to store in my vocabulary.  So I did what any sane but hurt person would have done.  I started my car, drove home and kept my money, but boy was I pissed. 

I don’t know her heart anymore than she knows mine, but long are the days when my people fought to sit at unwelcomed lunch counters. Perspectively speaking, if I am going spend my hard earned money, I shouldn’t have to fight and cuss anyone to take it.