Sexy is Not a Size!

We, especially women, are all guilty of this.  It doesn’t matter what the mirror says; it doesn’t matter what our significant other says; it doesn’t matter what our family, friends or even strangers say; we always think that what we see is not perfect.

So now that I’m in my 40’s, I have to acknowledge that I am indeed a middle aged woman.  I’ll be 45 in seven months, so I assure you that reality has set in, and set in with a vengeance.  Sure, I’d like to live to be 103, so technically 51.5 should be my middle age.  However, if I’m lucky enough to make it to 90, the math shows that I’m already there.  Therefore, I’m at the age where every now and then, I bring sexy back.  It doesn’t always stay, which is why I have to bring it back every so often. 

So, where does a lady like me go to bring sexy back?  Victoria’s Secret.  I know.  I know.  They are not for everyone.  But if they can send me a coupon for a free undie basically once a month, the least I can do is go there to actually purchase something.  The other day, I went in and saw the sexiest bra and panty.  But I thought, “I’m at home most of the time, why do I need to buy them?  Plus I’ll get a free one soon.  It won’t be the same, but it’ll be free.”  So I left.  But they are on my mind so I figure, “What the heck?”  I return, and they are all out.  Not one is left.  Sales lady says they finished the same day.  So I go online and see that the line is actually called Very Sexy Strappy!  So fitting, but now they don’t have the color that I want.  I love blue, but the pink looks real hot.  I called all the Victoria’s Secret stores within a 50 mile radius, and they are all out.  I went out of town for Easter weekend, and I’m calling stores in the neighboring area; no answer.  Well, it’s Easter Sunday, stores are closed.

I returned to the Victoria’s Secret in my area, and they are back, but again, not the pink and not my size.  I examined one, and it’s a barely there panty.  I think to myself, “Damn!  All my cellulite is just going to pop out between these strings.  Maybe it’s a good thing they don’t have my size because I would have bought them and wouldn’t be able to wear them comfortably.”  But I’m still thinking about those darn sexy panties, and now I have a $10 coupon.

I went away last weekend and found myself in a mall, and as I passed a Victoria’s Secret, I decided to check out if they had the pink.  It’s my lucky day.  The pink is there.  The blue is there.  And the black is there.  And I’m also thankful that those people in the South just love their ham hocks and pork-laden vegetables because my size is there too.  Now you know I’m cheap, but I’m also practical.  So you know I’m not going to spend one more night without these in my hands.  I didn’t have my coupon with me.  I had to pay 7% tax.  But that did not deter me one bit.  Those babies were coming with me today.

Wore one the very same night, and I must say, did not disappoint at all.  Did I look like those Victoria’s Secret photo shopped models?  Hell na!  But I have teenagers.  I’ve been pregnant a time or two.  I have the stretch marks to prove it.  It’s all good.  But one thing was for sure: I might not have looked like them, but I felt like them.

Then to top it off, when I returned to Pennsylvania, the lingerie I purchased online came in the mail, and there was another $10 coupon waiting for me.  Now you know that store is encouraging me to return to sexy!  So I went right there to get a matching pink bra.  And if that wasn’t enough of an incentive, I had just tried this Baby Foot exfoliating peel, which actually worked well, and I had stocked up on my body fragrances.  So the soles of my feet are extra smooth.  My skin smells extra sweet.  And I have my Very Sexy Strappy panties!  Yeah I’m cheap, but there are two things that I do not think twice about spending good money on:  food and body fragrances.  And the more tropical they are, the crazier I go.  Just tell me that mango is in it, and I’m all over it!

So after overcoming being too jiggly, not having perfect skin, not being perfectly proportioned, basically not being a lingerie model, I put that lingerie on and voila…..Stella got her groove back!  Sure my husband benefited from the whole saga, but I did it for me.  Can’t speak for the rest of you, but when I feel sexy, I feel happy; I feel young; I feel joyous.  And if I’m going to wait until my body is firmer, cleaner, more perfect, I’ll probably be waiting forever.  And you know what, because we are so hard on ourselves, 20 years ago, it was because I was too skinny.  Can’t wear this because I’m too straight.  Can’t wear that because I have no curves.  Oh and then when we have the perfect body, can’t wear this because someone else is going to look at me lustfully.

Enough.  If some other man looks at you because you went out of your way to look good for yourself, that’s his problem.  If his wife catches him, that’s her problem.  Sexy comes from within.  Sure the sexy attire helps.  The sexy fragrances help.  But unless you find a way to get your sexy on and get it on quick, you are just going to keep falling into that abyss of unsexiness.  It doesn’t matter if you are 10 pounds underweight or 10 pounds overweight.  It doesn’t matter if you are 20 pounds overweight or 120 pounds overweight, as long as you tell yourself you are sexy, as long as you feel you are sexy, get your sexy on because perspectively speaking, men are just not that deep to notice stretch marks, cellulite and poxy skin!