I Love My Husband, But…….

My kids put a smile on my face every single day.  They are literally the reason why I look forward to each and every day.  Of course hubby still puts a smile on my face, but a different kind of smile….if you know what I mean.  And I know that everybody thinks that their children are the funniest, but these kids crack me up daily.

Just today we went to the dentist, and already there is a chuckle attached to the trip.  My husband’s dental plan doesn’t reach as far as Pennsylvania, so we have to trek to New Jersey for a dentist.  Every real job I’ve had, has provided me with a great dental plan if nothing else, but for some reason his dental plan sucks – every other benefit is wonderful, except the dental.  Let me find out that the person in charge has really bad teeth and wants everyone else to suffer!

Personally I like this dentist.  Yeah she is quick, but I think she gets the job done.  The kids think that she is a bit rough, but I don’t like being in a dentist chair, so the quicker I can get out, the better for me.  She also has the worst receptionist in the universe, but we get what we pay for, so I don’t expect a miracle.  My kids have been spoiled with the goody bag with a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, fluoride, crayons, and stickers; but this is just not that kind of establishment.  And don’t expect one TV with cartoons for the kids, and one with news for the adults either.  This TV is set on FOX, so just live with it.

So needless to say, some people in my family are not impressed with the dentist.  Look, we once went to a dentist who had a bad case of halitosis, which made me wonder if this woman was right in her head.  I mean is it too hard to practice what you preach and use the products in the office?  I hear I’ve been known to exaggerate, but when I researched what other patients thought about her, although shocked, I was not surprised when someone mentioned her bad breath on the review page.  If she was a more pleasant person, maybe people wouldn’t have been so put off, but her attitude gave her breath some stiff competition. 

Anyway my youngest went in first, and when he returned, he looked at me, wrinkled his face and said, “I need to see her dentist diploma!”

He is a pretty smart kid but tends to be lazy with his reading.  A few weeks ago we were going to the store, and I told him to read to me on the way.  He was not happy about it, which showed in his delivery.  He used the gloomiest, flattest, huskiest voice he could summon to read quite an interesting story.  Annoyed, I stopped him and insisted that he read with more gusto.  Fifteen minutes later when we exited the car, my daughter whispered, “I don’t know why you wanted him to read out loud.  He sounded awful.”  I told her that he has to practice his reading, so that is one way of doing it.  We completed our transaction and were heading to the car.  Before opening the door, his brother said to him, “This time when you read, please don’t sound like somebody shot you in the kneecap.”

When these two boys get together, it is literally on and poppin.  Two weeks ago, they were talking about going to The Old Oaken Bucket football game when my youngest said to his brother, “Just so you know, we probably won’t be hanging out together.”  He was shot with a look that yelled, “Trick, I don’t want to hang out with you!”  Hardly ever fazed, he came over by me and whispered, “I just wanted to give him a heads up.”

So he insisted on playing football or what I call play-play football, instead of soccer, or what I call real football.  We tried to persuade him that football was a ridiculous sport, but all his many fans convinced him that because of his speed and agility, he would be perfect for the sport.  I gave in because when he bugged me the last year, I was not ready to put up with the time and energy that football entailed.  I mean, these kids are playing outside in all kind of weather conditions.  The parents are sitting down and watching this spectacle, and it’s just not that serious.  However, I’m glad he did it this year because the weather has been awesome for the past several months, give or take a couple of days, so I was able to get some tennis and walking in.  But it would have been nice if someone had alerted us that this age group has had a losing streak for the past six or seven years.

The first game his siblings and I attended was quite boring to the point where my eldest dozed off.  I had noticed for a while that my son wanted to quit the football team, but I am of the opinion that if you start something, you should finish it; and if you beg for something, then you should definitely see it through the end.  The only hint he dropped was when he asked, “There is no refund, right?”  Of course he was not factoring in all the gear I purchased, but I had made up my mind to let him play so he could get it out of his system, once and for all.  I heard him complain that they were playing in the dark, which he thought was ridiculous because there were moments when he didn’t see anyone and then bam, somebody appeared in front of him.  To be honest, I am happy that he is one of the smallest on the team, so his role is limited, because some of their opponents sometimes weigh as much as and over 200 pounds.  And I kid you not, I went to one game, and this one kid must have been about 6 feet 4 inches and rumored to have weighed 320 pounds.  My son weighs about 80 pounds, wet.

Sometime last week, he was getting out of the car when two of his teammates passed by.  One of them said, “I hear you don’t want to play football anymore.”  Homeboy didn’t even pretend that he was going to sugarcoat anything – didn’t even wait to think about a response.  I heard, “Yup, you got that right.”  I said, “You really don’t want to play?”  He replied, “That is the most degrading sport ever - a bunch of kids running around and beating each other up.”

On the other hand, my daughter’s humor always catches me off guard.  One day I mentioned to her that I always pictured myself living in the Italian country side riding my bicycle to the market to buy fresh produce.  She looked at me and said, “How do you know if you lived in Italy that you wouldn’t be living in the slums?”  So the other day I reminded her about it, and as I thought about it, I pictured myself on the bicycle, with serene music playing in the background.  When she made her remark, the music come to a screeching halt.  I relayed that to her.  She smiled, looked at me and said, “Don’t worry, Mommy.  I won’t let you live on the streets.  You can live with me.”  And with an evil laugh and a villainous look, she continued, “Under my rules.”

Some people don’t have children by their choice, or by nature’s, and I’m not implying that their lives are not as fulfilled as mine.  I’m just saying that perspectively speaking, my life would not have been as full without these three little people who make every single day brighter.