Saturday, May 18, 2013

I’m 43, and I’ve Never Had One

And the way things are, I never will.  Yes, you heard me, I have never experienced one in my entire life, while many women my age have had numerous.  They have shared with me their earth-shattering, mind-blowing encounters, while I can never replicate what I hear.  And the thing is:  I never will.  Heck, even my 12 year old daughter has had a couple….very tiny ones, but a couple nonetheless.  And she has communicated to me that many girls her age have had -------- frequently, and sometimes big ones too.  That is quite amazing because like I said, I have never had one, not even a minuscule one.

When my friends reveal their experiences to me, I am never jealous.  Hey to each her own!  We are all unique and have different makeups.  If they are able to experience them, so be it.  Plus I’m in good company, because none of my sisters that I grew up with has had any either ….. well nothing climatic …...  as far as I know.  If any of them has experienced even one, it certainly was nothing to write home about, or else I would have known.

I can’t even fake it at this point because I wouldn’t be able to pull it off.  Due to my lack of experience, I would not know where to begin.  I really won’t be fooling anyone.  In fact I couldn’t even fool myself because I would have no clue what to do or no idea what to feel.  Anyone would know that it is not genuine, and I can just imagine Charles Ramsey saying, “Dead giveaway!” if asked about its authenticity.  No one can help me at this point.  My husband cannot help.  Doctors cannot help.  Therapy cannot help.  But it’s all good.  I have to live with it, and that’s that.  But I have lived with worse things in my life; so it’s really not so bad.  

I know one should not divulge such personal matter in such a public forum, but this will be our little secret.  You know what, I don’t care – tell who you want.  Maybe someone can benefit from my experience, or lack thereof.  I will tell you why I never had one.  And again I’m not seeking any sympathy.  I’m just stating the facts.  The reason I never had one was because I was just 11 years old when my mother died; and I was the ultimate Mommy’s Girl.  Hence, I have never had a single argument with my mother.  Not even a tiff.  Never got upset with her for a moment.  Was never angry with her.  I have no idea what it feels like to be displeased with my mother.  Not even when I was naughty and she beat me was I vex.  Even then I figured, I must have done something wrong to get that whipping.  After all, I escaped so many, I must have had that one coming. 

I was fortunate enough to have her in my life 4,163 days, and after 32 years of not having her around, I can still look back and say that I enjoyed every last one of those days to the core.   Look I’m pragmatic, and I realize that life happens.  So if you do have a fight with your mother, it is what it is.  I don’t know your mother like that; maybe she is annoying.  I don’t know you like that; maybe you are sensitive.  But, from my point of view and perspectively speaking, just have a talk with her.  Find out what’s at the core of the contention.  Take a deep breath.  Talk.  Kiss and make up.  Because when she goes (and make no mistake about it, she will go), you don't want to look back and wish that you hadn't made such a big stink about something that in hindsight was no big deal.


  1. I too have never had one and while she was alive she never heard me curse either.

  2. I don't recall me ever having one either. But, what I do recall, is us chatting through our differences in opinions or I gave her the respect she deserves and just stayed quiet (old school Carribbean).

  3. When I say to youth that I never had one with my father either, they cannot believe. They just don't get it. I had Daddy around longer so he would have had several coming his way, but I just couldn't do it. With Mummy, even when you think you big or 'shit in high grass', it just couldn't happen.

    children didn't change so parenting ought not to change. Children should be allowed to express their feelings with the utmost respect!

  4. I swear to God... For a minute there I thought you were talking the big "O" :) I was already thinking of some tips but wondering how I was going to make this a PG comment. Just saying... LOL

  5. Thanks for this. My mother never had one, she lost her mum when she was two. My mother and I have had the odd spat, but I have never cursed, shouted at, or back chatted her. She told my 12 year old one day that I had never done any of those things in all my 53 years. My 12 year old was incredulous as she starts and ends everyday on the battleground.