Thursday, February 14, 2013

For Better or For Worse

I’ve been married for 17 years.  I’ve been with this man for the past 24 years and have known him for over 26 years.  After more than a quarter of a century, after more than half of my life, it is with great pleasure that I can say that I still love him.  He is my best friend.  He is the wonderful father of our children.  I mean who knew that when we met as teenagers, some day my kids and his kids would be siblings?  Who knew?  He is by far the easiest person I have had the pleasure to live with.  He is the most laid back person I have ever encountered.  So again I will reiterate, I love this man.

But damn, he has this annoying habit that drives me crazy!!!!!

It doesn’t matter how many times I tell him something, it doesn’t matter how many times I mention a name, it doesn’t matter how many times I write the schedule on the bulletin board, without fail he WILL ask me the same questions repeatedly. 

Case in point:  Our oldest child goes to Math Lab every day except Fridays.  One Friday afternoon, my husband was in the vicinity of the school at about 3:00.  I thought to myself, “I know this guy is going to call and ask if he should wait and pick up that boy.”  I kid you not, about three seconds later the phone rings.  Dude is on the other line asking me if he should pick up our son.

Every single time he goes to the grocery store, I wait for the call because I know it is coming.  “Which one do you want?”   How about the one that we usually buy?  You know, the one that looks like the one we just used.  But I have to be careful because once or twice when I got too cocky, I heard on the other end, “Okay then, get it your damn self.”  So now I check myself before I wreck myself.

Because the children are no longer in daycare, no one has the same schedule anymore; so life has become a little bit more complicated.  Hence, I developed a system.  I have a word document where I enter each child’s activities on a biweekly basis.  Yes it’s color coded!  I pin it on the bulletin board.  Then so as not to get confused – because believe it or not I have looked at the wrong date for the wrong child and arrived at the wrong time – I write the day’s schedule on the white board.  Color coded, of course, including travelling time too.  I know, it is not brain surgery, but when you have taken your child to the wrong baseball field and you have no idea what the coach’s number is and you are both in a panic, it’s no picnic.  And how much gas and time have I wasted driving a kid to basketball practice when I realize I’m at the stop light, and I’m not sure if I should go straight for the elementary or intermediate school or left for the middle or high school?  I can pull over and call home, but what if I left in a hurry and don’t have my cell phone or all three kids are with me?

So the biweekly schedule is there; and the daily schedule is there.  Would you believe on the weekends when the love of my life is available, that instead of glancing on the board he ALWAYS, without fail, asks, “Does anybody have anything today?  When?  Where?” 

If I’m in a shitty mood, I ignore him.  I just can’t.  And since it’s about the kids, he will usually take them if I’m busy.  But the times that I’m vying for Wife of the Year, I simply tell him because once I’ve written it down I will remember.  Plus it is less stress to just answer.  I mean who wants a silly fight over the weekend?  Weekends are only long when one is having fun.  Try getting mad with someone you live with on a Friday night and see how long it takes for Sunday to arrive!

And don’t get me started with mentioning a well used name in a conversation with him.  “Who is that?”  Seriously! I have mentioned that name like 50 times before.  Doesn’t he listen?  And of course God forbid I say that.  I know I’m going to hear.  “Do you expect me to remember all those people?”  And if I continue, I know he will let me know in no uncertain terms, that he really doesn’t care to hear.  And the thing is, he really doesn’t.  Me on the other hand, it would bug me if I didn’t get to hear the rest of the story.  But him, never.  Do I have to add how irritating that is too……that level of self-control?

Then there is planning trips with him.  If he asks for confirmation one more time if I’m still going somewhere when I have confirmed four times previously, I’m just going to kill somebody.  Seriously, unless I’m a bona fide crazy person, there is no way that I’m going to sit down and plan to go somewhere and do something and then when the day comes change my mind.

I can just hear some people saying, “Really!  Is that what she’s complaining about?  That is her worse?”  But perspectively speaking, my husband is the one who is married to an extremely hot tempered, anal, chatty and wacky individual.  And if he has managed to stay calm amidst my storm, then I vow to accept his flaw for better or for worse.


  1. You said it - for better or worse:) You should be thankful that you guys are still communicating; a lot of couples just give up. Look on the bright or positive side - he obviously recognizes your organizing abilities (albeit anal to you) and appreciates it.

    So, the next time he asks the same questions or calls you for confirmation, just answer him cause you love him. Happy Valentine's!

  2. Myra, you had some nerve for real, but as you say you are anal and hot tempered. You have not experienced the worst of marriage, you may be one of the few (included self of course) who can say its been for the better. Wives are been abused in every form known to men, cheated on, lied to, spat upon, some are left without any form of financial support, some cannot recall the last time their husbands looked their way. Some husbands have selectively forgotten their wives name and others can't recall the last time they have seen their children much more take them to activities. How many women has been on a trip or even listen to wives, some wives would be happy to hear the responses your husband gives, if their men would just talk to them or acknowledge their presence.........Are you calling wolves by exposing your husbands idiosyncrasies? How dare you should be so thankful that he is a great provider, a great dad, and a good and faithful husband..............Ungrateful.............I got you back big time, love you girl and enjoy his little awkwardness, that's what makes him unique. that's why he choose you to compliment these specific flaws. I cracked up reading your blog, you really need some screws adjusted

  3. Thanks for sharing. Happy Valentine's day. I hope you and your husband have many more years of the same misery because it is working for you both. Love you much.